It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on
~"It Won't Be Like This for Long" By Darius Rucker
So this is my beautiful little girl Alice Rose. Named perfectly after Alice Cullen and Rosalie Hale from the Twilight series. Her name is perfect for her in many ways. She is hyper and pixie-like: a familiar trait of Alice Cullen's but she is a diva and drama queen like Rosalie Hale. Rosalie is described in the book as being the most beautiful girl in the world and in my eyes (and it seems even to strangers around me) that my daughter fits that profile to a T. I've been asked if shes in pagents and told that she is the most beautiful and smart little girl they have ever seen.
Right now she just woke up from her nap and is looking at me through her crib bars like momma come cuddle me I'm just waking up. And all I can do is sit here and cry and think about how its not always going to be like this.
She isn't always going to need me. So at that point who needs me after she no longer does. It seems like Randy doesn't need me anymore, my family doesn't need me anymore so where will I fit in? I have to correct that thought though because it seems like Randy no longer WANTS me and neither does my family.
I'm slowly losing my mind and I have no where to turn. What do I do now? I'm so depressed I just don't know or care anymore. My meds don't work other then to keep me from being suicidal which honestly I don't think I could do that even if I wasn't on my meds. I'm not that desperate. I'm just sad and lonely. I am not writing anymore because my mind is so "not there" and "not normal" and that upsets me. This is the first time in gosh awhile that I've written. I was using LiveJournal for awhile but it kept giving me viruses so I guess that went out the door.
My days are spent with my little girl soaking up every hug and kiss I can get from her because I know one day they will stop. I know she will hit an age where she will hate me because I won't let her go out with her friends because its a school night or because her curfew is just too early. I wouldn't give these days up for anything but I just wish they could last a little longer.
